i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
