Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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