a queef is a wish your heart makes.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
