Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
