Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
