He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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