I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
