Sorry, I don't speak sober.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
