i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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