Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
