Are we in a gay sports bar?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
