Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
