Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Randomize
