Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
