sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
