new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
