I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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