I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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