a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
