I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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