I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
