just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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