i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
