Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
This can only be settled by a dance off.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
