I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
