Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
