can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
