I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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