Well douche your snatch and let's go!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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