I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
