he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
