Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
