we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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