I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
