If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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