i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
