can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
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