If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
