I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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