maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
