I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
