the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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