just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
