I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
