I didn't shave. On purpose
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Randomize
