I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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