i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
