this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
