This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
