On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
