We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you traded sex for a burrito?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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