The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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